This picture was taken last night while I was trying to read next to my 11 year old. But I could not focus and I struggled to find joy in that moment. It’s a struggle some days to settle, and enjoy our time together. Before you judge me, hear me out.
My sweet, amazing, kind, loving, empathetic 11 year old has Tourette Syndrome. Tics suck. They change as quickly as the weather in Vermont. They are distracting, frustrating, irritating and sometimes painful. He struggles everyday with them. I struggle watching them make it hard for him to function. He’s brilliant. He is constantly thirsting for more knowledge. But on the flip side, social stuff is hard for him. Friendships. Sibling connections. People in general.
I feel like a horrible person writing these words down. I really do. But the reality of all moms with children with special needs is: sometimes, even we can’t handle it. Sometimes, we get frustrated too and freak out. Sometimes we forget that our sweet baby can’t help it. We are human. I am human. That reality hits hard sometimes.
One day, we hope that the tics become easier to manage. I wish that one day, people in public would not look at him and judge him, stare at him, or judge him. One day, I hope he’s strong enough to ignore the jerks. For now, I’ll hug him and give him my love. Tell him he’s amazing. Tell him no one else’s opinion matters. And hopefully, he’ll believe it.
Most days I am strong, for him. Yesterday was just rough. Today will be better. I have to believe that.